Most people think that the serving of divorce papers is the end of the road for a marriage. While this may be the case for a number of marriages, there are those select few that actually see reconciliation during the divorce process. The question that most of these people will have is How to reconcile your marriage during a divorce? The answers may be a lot simpler than what one might think. The key to this working is that both parties have to be willing to head down this road. If one party is still stuck on the whole divorce idea, then the reconciliation process will not succeed.
Start slow, it took a lot to get two people to the point that they wanted to call it quits, it is going to take time to salvage the marriage. Put out subtle hints to see if there is an open door for your two to reconcile or not. Often this little gesture will allow the person to know if they are wasting their time or not. Make small steps that will not make the other person feel that you are invading their space, let them lead as to if the reconcile efforts will be a worthwhile attempt.
Arrange for date nights that you and your spouse can take part in. this is a slow step that you and the spouse will be able to take part in. don’t go for an expansive date, something small and basic is a good place to begin. Try to set boundaries that you and your spouse will need to make sure that they adhere to. The one thing that should be in agreed upon is that you and your spouse not discuss the relationship. This is hard as you will both want to talk about what went wrong and why things fell apart. Resist this urge as it will help to lead to you and your spouse reconciling.
If you and your spouse has to discuss the events of the relationship, then talk about the good times. This can help in the fact that you and your spouse will remember the good times and the real reasons that you two fell in love to begin with. Often couples simply focus on the bad times and forget all the good times that they had. It may be a lost memory that you rekindle that clicks the switch that leads to a reconciliation between you and your spouse.
Go to couples therapy. Nothing will get resolved if you and your partner are not willing to go and discuss the things that has led to you getting a divorce. A therapist will be able to get past the exteriors that people tend to put up and will be able to get to the heart of the problems that you and your spouse are having. They will be able to suggest techniques that you and your partner will be able to use in helping you two to get past the initial problems and see the end of the tunnel. While you may say that you are not the therapy type, it never hurts to at least make the effort and give it a fighting chance.
Do not let yourself become consumed with the blame game. It deep down does not matter who was at fault, the issue at hand needs to be the repair of your marriage and the getting past the urge to call it quits via a divorce. Often divorce is seen as a quick solution to the problem as one person does not want to take the time to work through the problems and uses divorce as a get out quick card. Sit down and have a genuine conversation about what happened in the marriage and why things went as bad as they did. Be open to what the other person has to say and try seeing their point of view. Often a person will get stuck on their point of view that they will get lost in the actual things that the other person is saying.
Try surprising your spouse with a sign of romance. If you feel the situation out and feel that things will go positive for you, then you can take the opportunity to make a romantic gesture that will get the attention of your spouse. Something like sending flowers with a sweet card will often make all the difference in the world to getting on the road to reconciliation. It is important that you feel things out first as to make sure that you are not wasting your time and that you are not setting yourself up to make the bad situation even worse.
If all of this advice still leaves you confused, then simply talk to a friend or family member that has been where you currently are. Chances are that you know someone that has been where you are in your relationship in the past. Talk to them and get their advice. They may not have been successful, but their advice may be all you need. Sometimes an outside voice can show you areas that things went south and help to guide you to see where you can go and improve on the things that went wrong. Listen to their advice and let the voice of experience guide you in your efforts to reconcile.
All of these tips on How to reconcile your marriage during a divorce will be useful in allowing you and your spouse to see where the damage was done in your relationship and how things could be repaired. It is a dangerous road that has to be traveled carefully. One slip and your efforts could be destroyed. If you are able to implement these tips, then you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and get past the doom of a failed marriage. Try to beat the odds and not become just another statics in the long line of people that allowed their marriage to fail.